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I changed the name again.  Muscle Mama Bear felt too long, even though it did feel like it captured what I've been blogging about.  Momma Ibarra seems easy enough to remember, and still me. Coincidentally, I went back to the gym yesterday.  I was too sore to walk much less exercise this morning so I recovered in bed and my alarm is set for tomorrow morning.  I'm feeling the energy I feel when I'm at the gym.  It's intoxicating.  People are suffering and encouraging you to suffer too, and it's awesome.  One of my peeps is pregnant and showing up.  She's awesome.  I think about when I was pregnant and aw hell to the nah I wasn't getting up extra early to go get my ass kicked.  Yet she keeps showing up.  And woding with heavier weight than me.  It's like, why wouldn't I want to get up and start my day surrounded by awesome peeps. I say I went back to the gym because I haven't gone to the gym in three weeks.  The Bears wen...

And by enjoy I mean participating in enjoy.  I enjoy watching all kinds of sports.  Hello, Kansas City Royals World Series Champions !!!!  But not only do I enjoy watching Olympic Weightlifting, I also enjoy participating in Olympic Weightlifting.  I have never been an athlete.  With the exception of church youth group softball; I was the mediocre softball catcher.  But Olympic Weightlifting is a sport.  So I am an athlete.  And I enjoy my sport.  This is my Coach back in the early 80's.  Awesome.

World Series Champions!  The BEST in the WORLD!!!!  The Kansas City Royals won the mother^*#@ing WORLD SERIES!!!!!!! INSANE!!!  UNBELIEVABLE!!!  Pictured is the crowd at the rally that shut down the city.  I work in the local school district and school was canceled.  Surreal. I didn't make it to the gym once.  Not one time this past week.  My husband shifted his work schedule so he could get off for the parade.  He had to leave for work by 515a one morning, 615a the following mornings.  I miss my peeps!!  I had gotten into a good routine of at least two times a week for the past several weeks.  And then bamb!  A whole week off - not planned.  But I guess needed?? My alarm is set to go back tomorrow.  It's a process and a journey and I'm loving myself through those sleep-ins cause we're the mother&^$*ing CHAMPIONS!!! So cool!!!!!

That's what the scale said when I stepped on this morning.  I've gotten out of the habit of weighing regularly because it just does my brain no good.  I become very mean to myself and ruin my whole day most of the time.  So I've only been getting on periodically and it felt stuck at 223.  It would not budge.  Then I got on this morning...and got on again...and one more time just to be sure, 218.2.  WOO HOOOOOO!!!!! I had two different conversations with friends at the gym this week.  One went something like, no way, you don't weigh that...you carry it really well.  And the other went something like, nutrition is where it's at, but food punctuates my life.  I eat when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm depressed, when I'm excited, when I'm celebrating, when I'm grieving...and both of these conversations have stuck with me. Food does punctuate life, and I'm starting to learn that's okay.  There's no way I'm stopping s...

Ha!  Like anyone cares!  But seriously though, I got to thinking about those documentaries they do of athletes..."A Day in the Life of Rich Froning, Lindsey Fisher, Andrea Ager" and thought, huh, that could be an interesting post.  A Day in the Life of Me.  The life of a lazy overweight person trying to create new habits, fit in exercise, be a Mom, work several jobs, be a wife....oh yeah, food prep, ha.  I guess this potentially could REALLY expose what I need to work on.  (Like I don't already know.) I think I'm gonna take some pictures over the next week and then update this post.

This one has shown up on my notifications the most.  Check out my Pinterest page.   What's your most popular pin??

That's just it.  It's not really about motivation.  Yes, someone who isn't a seasoned athlete will be more likely to exercise given a reason (motivation).  Like a wedding, or a reunion, bikini season, etc.  But what really gets you there and keeps you there is discipline.  You've required yourself to attend to reach your goal which is motivating you to go.  Discipline.  It can be jump started by motivation and motivation may keep you going but discipline will get you there.  Consistency.  I've schedule out my workouts from now until the end of the year.  I have three weddings coming up and I want to have a baby.  3x/week, 3x/week, 4x/week, 4x/week, 3x/week, 3x/week, 4x/week, 4x/week, etc.  I have a feeling I might pull a "meredith" and take too many days off but I'll know what day to get back on.   Discipline. 

I'm calling in the #mmbtroops!  I haven't been to the gym since I competed on the 12th!!  This is unacceptable!  But I've already begun my routine of talking myself into sleeping in.  So it's possible that I won't even go until Monday.  And when I say possible I mean what's really going to happen. What are your strategies?  I have recognized this pattern of behavior in the past and I see myself doing it now.  I got hyper focused (and by "hyper" I mean 2 workouts before the platform) and competed.  And have given myself almost 2 weeks off now.   I'm on the fence.  CrossFit is so intense it's almost like I have to ride the waves of consistency and inconsistency.  It's a process.  Maybe it's so intense because I'm so inconsistent.  Maybe if I were to be consistent, well, I don't know.  I've never truly been consistent for an extended period of time.  Which is really what I need, desperately.  I want to have...

I got 3rd!  Ha!  I knew I was one of six athletes in my age/weight class, and figured I'd get a participation medal, but there was no participation medal.  There was a 1st, 2nd and 3rd place medal and I got 3rd!!  The lifter who got 1st happens to be a mother as well - her kiddos were there and one of them was probably around 18 months or so.  It was so awesome to stand on the podium with her after I watched her corral her baby from eating another bag of homemade cookies.  (They had homemade food for lunch for CHEAP.  Pulled pork and homegrown tomatoes...and homemade cookies..yes please.)   I ended up lifting 40kg, 41kg, and 43kg on the snatch.  And green lighted all three.  Actually, it was a a stick and they lifted the white end.  I lifted 47kg, 47kg and 49kg in the clean and jerk.  I red lighted the first lift (red end of the stick.)  I pressed out with my left elbow, which has been a common theme in my lifting. Sc...

I came across this pic on Pinterest.  And I shook my head.  Cause it's so NOT about one pound at a time.  It's about what your body can do.  You can run those 26.2 miles.  You can PR that triathalon.  Your body could not do that before you started giving a damn about your body.  Forget the scale.  Build a strong body that can complete your daily activities.  That can do active things.  Whatever happens on the scale is a bonus.  Cause your body composition is changing.  I've seen lots of transformation photos with surprising pics of more toned bodies at higher body weight.  It's really a mind youknowwhat that no one needs to endure.  Make it about what your body can do.  Not what that damn scale says.

I've got three days until I compete on the platform.  I FINALLY made some time to get on the platform today and PRed my snatch.  I'm anxious to get on the platform again one more time before I compete.  My closers from my competition last January will be my openers so that feels pretty awesome.  Here's the funny thing.  I hadn't been to the gym since two Fridays ago.  I took a whole week off cause I guess I just do that sometimes.  And I've been down and stressed.  I got myself there this afternoon and spent some time with my coach who has always believed in me even if my training is sporadic.  And I've been in the best mood since I left.  Like, duh.  Get your ass to the gym, Meredith!!!  It really rings true for me that the hour I spend in the gym is a major stress reliever and I almost get to check out.  Not entirely because I'm focused on my lifts, but all the other junk doesn't effect me during that hour.  And dep...

So many people ask me questions about CrossFit. I post on social media regularly of events at my gym or weights that I lifted.  I post pics and vids so people on my social media pages ask questions.  I love it.  Because my answers are always surprising.  Here are Five Truths About CrossFit. 1.  CrossFit is infinitely scale-able.  "I can't do a pushup."  "I can barely lift a ______."  "It's too intense."  Here's the truth.  Every move in CrossFit is scale-able.  You can modify the move to fit your abilities.  When I started I did push-ups on the counter tops. And that was hard.  Now I do them on the floor and snake up. In CrossFit, that counts because it's the scaled movement.  So I still don't do "real" pushups and I've been CrossFitting for two+ years. 2.  "I don't run."  The truth is CrossFitters don't like to run either. Greg Glassman, founder of CrossFit, prescribes sprinting.  Short intervals o...

The USA Weightlifting Kansas State Championship is in three weeks.  I'm registered.  I've known about this competition since I went last year. I didn't lift last year.  I'll lift this year.  I had all of these goals I was going to have accomplished by the time September rolled around.  And I really haven't completed any of them.  Normally, I'd sit around and be mean to myself.  And panic that now I only have three weeks and WTF am I going to do and on and on and on and on.  I made it to three workouts last week.  And I felt proud about that.  So instead of being mean to myself, I decided to ride this pride wave.  I'm focused on making it to at least three workouts this week.  Four would be ideal, and is the ultimate goal; however, if I only make three that's still something I need to be proud of because that feeling motivates me to continue.  Negative Nancy brings my whole vibe down.  I just DGAF  She kill...

Anyone heard that song?  It's a good one.  I was reminded of it today while I was out walking the dog. I was in the process of beating myself up for only making it to the gym on Monday of this week.  I had set out to go Mon/Tues/Wed/Fri - so BIG fail on my part.  But I was out walking the dog.  And my lawn is mowed.  If you live in KC you know it's been hotter than hell out so I definitely sweat my ass off.  And I decided in that moment to love myself through the mornings I slept through my workouts.  That I was in fact getting some exercise and that's a good thing.  And I shouldn't discredit it just because I didn't actually make it into the gym.   I think my mentality this week was that my school job is starting up next week and I was secretly protesting.  I'm going to have to get up early starting next week so savor these last few days of "sleeping in."  Whatever.  Regardless, I slept through my workouts, big deal. ...

Tomorrow starts 4x/week. I'm signed up for Mon/Tues/Wed/Fri.  This will be my 4th week of consistent exercise and my first week of 4x/week.  I feel like a switch has been flipped. I freakin' cleaned 140# last Friday. I have bruises on my collar bone to remind me of my achievement and I just want to keep trying. What else can I do?? I shared this with my wod partner Kate and she said "see you in the morning."  I'd normally think well, maybe now is my time and I'm gonna stick with it and it's gonna be amazing and then I fail and give up. So maybe I need to change my perspective. I'm motivated for tomorrow and that's all I need right now. I'm excited to go. It's not a chore to get up in the morning. I'm anxious to go to see how much I can lift. And I'm motivated to make good food choices tomorrow cause I know I'll be able to lift that much heavier if I do. And that's fun. It's science. I'm excited to have to prep my foo...

My plan was two times this week.  I planned to go Monday and Tuesday morning.  I slept through Minday and hated myself. And I slept through Tuesday and decided to go Wednesday. I made it Wednesday morning and as I was walking out my coach asked if I was coming tomorrow.  I said no, but I might Friday.  Within 5 minutes of each other my workout partner and accountabilibuddy texted me about Friday's wod. So I set my alarm. And I went. So I met goal of two times this week. It's all about sticking to the overall goal even if you miss a few plans along the way.  Next week is three times per week. I'm shooting for M/W/F.  

Cause everyone needs a theme song! http://youtu.be/6eNyL8xkiDI

Happy birthday, America!!  I've had several blog post ideas floating around in my head, but after yesterday I'd like to post about my day. I went to work while most everyone else had the day off for the holiday.  I don't mind going to work, I care for a family with children with special needs and their grandparents.  I went swimming.  It was an easy day.  But, I was feeling down. I received a text message from my sister in law that said "one day at a time."  At the moment she sent it, I was beating myself up for missing my morning wod.  I had just come in from walking the dog, so she reminded me that hey, you got a walk in. I went throughout my day, still feeling gloomy but trucking through.  My husband posted adorable pictures of my son at the zoo and I felt bad for missing Mommy time.  Oh, and my Aunt Flo is coming for a visit soon so you can imagine my female hormones were all over the place as well. Then I text my coach.  We'...

Name Change! I've decided "insulanity," while an awesome name and concept, is not working for me anymore. So I've changed my blog name to Muscle Mama Bear.  It feels more fitting.  I want muscle. I'm a Mama.  And my sweet husband calls me Smoochy Bear. (I'll explain that one later.) I thought I'd give a little update on my gym frequency.  I've been successful at one time per week.  THIS IS PATHETIC!!  I need your get out of bed at the butt crack of dawn tips.  I'm the kiddo that slept until 2p on Saturdays back in the day and am a pretty regular napper.  Naps are the shiz. My newest strategy is set only one alarm and per direction from Coach Rachel, JUST GET UP AND GO.  So wish me luck as I continue to figure out what will work for me for the longterm. I found a great Pinterest find…it said "shhhh, show me."  I'm gonna try it.

I did it!  Completed a half Murph, non-RX, which means I rowed half a mile (805 meters) completed 50 ring rows, 100 push-ups and 150 squats and finished with another half mile row. It took me 27:31.  And I am soooore today. But as I spend the day taking care of my sick baby, I'm reminded that the soreness I feel today means 1. I'm alive, 2.  I'm thankful, 3.  I really have to clue what it's like to serve our country. My participation in Murph is my way of saying thanks...our way. Image is of athletes at CrossFit I-35 after the completion of Murph. 

I have not been to the gym since last Tuesday. I am not meeting this goal - data shows my lazy behaviors are increasing.  So I've loved myself through this last week of work. I've got a few days of a different schedule and then summer school starts the 29th. And the summer schedule begins.  This Monday, Memorial Day, I'll be going to the gym. I'm still not certain how I'll scale, if I'll scale, I know I'll be doing ring rows. Do I do a half murph, full murph??   Here's the revised goal. Which I'm gonna be honest, is okay. This is life. It's a process = revisions, loving myself along the way.  Go to the gym on Monday. Record Murph results. Implement consistent attendance (at least one time per week, up to four times per week). Repeat Murph Memorial Day 2016. Compare results.  Often times in my head I wonder to myself what I would be like if I commit to xyz for a whole year.  This is my xyz.  Failure is okay. As long as I don't judge myself...o...

If you've ever had the opportunity to train at CrossFit I-35 with The Lofquists, you might have heard the phrase dinky-doinking. Specifically, in a WOD it's those time periods you chose to chit chat or stare at the bar instead of lift it. You're dinky doinking. You know what you need to do, stop chatting and lift the damn bar, you're just not doing it. In a WOD this lasts for seconds/minutes at a time because some WODs have time restraints. That can easily be translated to other measurements of time.  So I've been dinky doinking. I went to the gym one time last week. My bags are packed and my gym clothes are out. I have the best cheerleaders reaching out to me, texting, messaging me to help get me there.  I'm dinky doinking. Question is....maybe that's a part of the process??  Saw this on Facebook.  And I didn't feel so bad. Maybe as I shift into my summer schedule I can shift more focus and stick to 4x/week. And love myself on the way there, whether tha...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bzF9FAJ1LdA This is a link to nerve flossing. I've included this is my daily stretches in an attempt to relieve sciatica discomfort I've experienced since pregnancy. Exercising stretches it out and actually makes it feel better so it's smart for me to make it to my early morning workout.  These are doTerra essential oils, an additional attempt to relieve discomfort. I use Deep Blue topically almost everywhere cause having sore muscles is common for me. I put Breathe diluted in fractionated coconut oil underneath my nose to keep my lovely allergy symptoms at bay. I also like how it feels like my lungs can function more efficiently. I put Whisper on my wrists or behind my neck to combat the daily stresses of being a woman.  I like the way it smells and helps keep me sane.  This is what it's like being a 35-year-old Crossfitter. 

As of tonight, Thursday, I have gone to the gym 0 times this week.  I went 3 times the week before. And I went 4 times the week before that.  I have needed this little gem the past several nights. I'm not moving as much so my old bones are creakin'!  Seriously, every time I stand up something pops! I've enlisted my CrossFit family to get my ass to the gym tomorrow. It's deadlift Friday and I'm not gonna lie - lifting with the boys feels pretty good. It's motivating. So I don't have as much difficult waking up. But it's storming here tonight. And my cave is super cozy. And my Papa Bear is super snuggly. See?  I've already begun my nightly ritual of talking myself out of going tomorrow am.  I'll get there. Right??

I'm signed up for CrossFit tomorrow morning and my alarm is set.  This is my solution to only going three times last week. I say only - but why discredit that?  I went three times damnit!  And I'm proud of that. My scale told me 223.0 and I'm proud of that. The number and missed goal have no negative power over me anymore.  It's my reality and my alarm is set. 

This is what my friend Wubba taught me. It's been a little over a year since his passing and with the turning of the seasons to porches, patios, BBQs...it's difficult.  Wubba was my first close friend to pass. I did not realize how much I leaned on that guy. It's been difficult.  I turned 35 in Februray and had a come to Jesus moment. Be authentic. Be relentless. It's difficult.  I'm so thankful for my dear friend. 

This is a screen shot of reviejanes insta. She's like 20 something, owns a gym and posts videos all the time. I've watched her achieve the goals she's set out to master in the gym, like rope climbs, and...well...just look at the pic.  Right??  www.reviejane.com.  Oh, and she's Australian. I know my body will look different cause we don't have the same DNA, but her body is motivating to me. That would be kickass!!  Will be!!  This pic was posted by Dr. Agocs. It reminds me of the mental checkout I get when I exercise. I'm so hyperfocused on how my body is moving that everything else in my mind is quiet.  I'm also reminded about a quote my coach Scott told me when my friend passed a little over a year ago now. He quoted Henry Rollins, "200 pounds is always 200 pounds."  I can count on the bar.  This is a screenshot of Dr. Israetel's facebook. He posted this around the time I started trying to convince myself to skip workout number three this past...

http://youtu.be/IJZpz5C1dAA This is what CrossFit does to your brain. This movement, toes to bar, was programmed this morning in our WOD. So, of course, now, at 9p, I have finally sat down and rested my body...since 745p or so when my son went to bed, so about and hour and fifteen minutes.  People, I am sooooooooore.   Which means, yay I made my workout this morning.  Woop woop!  Which also means since I have turned on my CrossFit brain that I'm youtubing movement videos at 9p. I was trying to help some peeps this morning by telling them to pull the bar apart, which will turn on your lats.  I'm not certified (yet) so I didn't press the issue when my instructions didn't seem to make a whole lot of sense (at 545a).  This video is great. If we nail knees to elbows by putting our body in that rocking motion (scapular pull up -turning the lats on) all we have to do is kick the bar. Right?  Easy as that. (they say. It'll be fun they say).  Pass the Deep...

Like...when I lose a significant amount of weight. 

is the big day!!  Everyone starts tomorrow, right?  Well, my tomorrow is tomorrow. I'm shooting for Monday, Tuesday, Thursday 530am WODs and Saturday 8a bells. I've just employed my husband to manage my snooze fests in the AM by giving him partial responsibility of kicking me out of bed. My sheets just tie this really tight knot around my ankles and I just can't get out of bed in the mornings. See what I did there??  I deflected my lack of consistency with my humor - ha. hahahahahaha.  So tomorrow is my Monday and my alarm is set. 

I've recently been trying to figure out why I consistently sabotage myself.  For example, two weeks ago I went to the gym three times that week; I was shooting for four times, so I missed that goal. So this past week I don't go at all -it's all in my mind -am I punishing my future self because I'm afraid?  Afraid of what?  My goal for this next challenge at my gym, the CrossFit I-35 Spring/Summer weight loss challenge is to go four times a week. Am I afraid of what I potentially could look like?  Am I afraid of how strong I'll be? Am I afraid of how different my life will be??  Maybe I'm not ready for the change...I don't know.   The goal is four times a week and I'm going to solely focus on getting there Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. 

I have no doubt that this top five will be ever evolving as will be my weight loss Here are (as of March 31, 2015) the top five things CrossFit has taught me. 1.  I just gotta flip the switch. Decide before I walk up to the bar that I'm going to lift it and then just f*^#+ng lift it. Believe you can - it's all in your mind.  2.  Everyone is on their own journey.  There's no point in comparing yourself to the Andrea Agers and the Rich Fronings - their journeys are not yours and your DNA is different.  3.  Nutrition is where it's at. Believe it or not.  4.  Eventually, I will look badass.  5.  I can get there fast or slow; it's really up to me. WOD by WOD, meal by meal. 

I'm on spring break. Going into spring break I had a long to do list and topping that list was making it to the gym at least four times which has been my goal for the past three weeks. My training partner Kate has gone 12 times now. I've gone 4. Her clothes are fitting better. Still wearing my black yoga pants here.  I did go on the first Monday of break. Which was huge because I've missed every Monday in forever, I mean hell...I used to have a "no wake up stupid early on Mondays" rule. I followed it religiously.  But you know what. I've already made arrangements to make it to the gym this coming Monday, my last day of spring break. Which means I will have gone twice - on the Monday's. This is significant in my book!  Like who gets up on a Monday to exercise??  I sure as hell am trying!   So, sure I can be mad at myself and disappointed that I got a 50% for this week. That's a F.  Or I can change my thinking. (Hello Romans 12:2). The two most important...

http://www.playbuzz.com/gloriahooks10/22-truths-all-curly-haired-girls-know

             Could my hair do this???

Say what??!!  Girl, you crazy. I literally told my coach she was insane and that this was ludicrous.  They paraded us out. That's me on the right...representing CrossFit I-35 very well I might add. I'm pretty sure I'm at the end because I was the heaviest athlete. But I was doing it.  My coach Cynthia brought a CrossFit I-35 Barbell Club tank top for me. Size large. One boob might fit in a size large. I put it on. To represent. I did not want to wear it. All the rolls were out.  I'm glad I didn't think about my sports bra that day. I look so hodgepodgey. It would have completely distracted me. And I had way better socks with me, but I had my knee taped and had to show I wasn't hiding a spring in my thigh or something. Don't get me wrong. I still loved my socks. They said "all skill. No luck."  A Christmas gift from my sister in law Renee.  My coach Scott treated me like a legit athlete. They joked with me and remained themselves and authentic in th...