AdvoMER

I recently got my 4 year tag from CrossFit I-35.  I've been a member for 4 years and weigh 40 pounds less than when I started.  Most, if not all, of that was baby weight as I began shortly after I had delivered my son. I've lost the same 10-15 pounds since the initial loss and I had an interesting thought about that tonight. What if I'm afraid of fit healthy crossfitter Meredith??  See, I take progress photos.  I've seen the awesome gains I make and then I FREAK.  And avoid the gym for days, weeks, months.  It's like I see how hot I could be and I start eating.  As I'm eating I'm fantasizing about seeing my muscles and wearing jeans and a bikini.  Longing for comfort in my own skin.  Yet the moment I start to get a glimpse towards that, I go backwards.   What is up with that??  Afraid of my own success?

So I went ahead and took several weeks off from the gym.  The gains I made during my 8 week 4x/week run have disappeared.  Replaced with new stretch marks, horrible self-talk, depression, lethargy and an overwhelming desire to sleep all the time. I sporadically heard from fellow gym goers during my time off and as of recently have heard from several in a more urgent manner.  Like, get your ass to the gym already.  So I went this past week.  My inital goal was 5x/week, but as I'm learning, goals for me are constantly being revised. Read, I went Wednesday.  One morning.  I was even up on time this morning and yesterday morning.  That's how loud these ugly voices are inside my head.  I once again chose to sleep.  I went to my son's room and had that whole tiny bed to myself (he snuck into our bed during the night) and it was dark; I turned that box fan on and was out.  One and a half, can be stretched to 2 more hours if I cut out doi...