AdvoMER

I've been going to my CrossFit gym for five years now.  Yes, I've dropped a few pound; yes, I'm stronger; but could you tell I crossfit by looking at me?  Probably not.  My transformation thus far has all been mental.  I have and continue to find encouragement in what my body can do rather than what the scale says.  I've learned functional ways to move my body to support my reconstructed knee.  I've learned to shut my mind up and just move.  Just recently I've been able to push myself when my legs are shaking and I can't hardly take a deep breath to finish the workout rather than stop and lay on the floor.  "Keep moving!"  I can hear Coach Rachel encouraging me.  "One rep at a time! Vamos!"  I can hear Zulma tell me. I've also recently begun to allow myself to move at a slower pace and complete the entire workout instead of scaling reps to keep up with everyone else.  I am no longer concerned about what anyone else is thinkin...

Thinking I'd like to post once a week, with cheeky little titles depending on the day.  Be on the lookout for more witty titles.  I wonder when people tell you "we should get together" are actually wanting to get together or just being polite. I wonder why people don't tell other people when they think about them.  Rather they'd say, "I've been thinking about you" once you finally see them months after the last time you've seen them.  Why not tell them right away? I wonder why people are so worried about what other people think about them or their decisions/actions.  #stayinyourownlane I wonder why some people put toilet paper on the roll upside down.  I wonder how long it takes other people to get out of bed in the morning. I wonder if I'll ever identify as anything else than what I identify as now.  (More on that to come.)

Did a little upgrading to the name and look of the site, so I thought I'd do a quick entry to update my posts.  LOTS of things have happened in the last year.  Most noteably, (see last post), I just celebrated my FIVE year anniversary at the gym!  Wooo!  Five years is a minute! I intend on posting on a regular basis now as I know writing is therapeutic for me and very helpful as a tool to process LIFE.  Cause life is happening and I gotta be a CHAMPION at life. Look forward to weekly posts and lots of updates on all areas of my life.  Speak soon!

I recently got my 4 year tag from CrossFit I-35.  I've been a member for 4 years and weigh 40 pounds less than when I started.  Most, if not all, of that was baby weight as I began shortly after I had delivered my son. I've lost the same 10-15 pounds since the initial loss and I had an interesting thought about that tonight. What if I'm afraid of fit healthy crossfitter Meredith??  See, I take progress photos.  I've seen the awesome gains I make and then I FREAK.  And avoid the gym for days, weeks, months.  It's like I see how hot I could be and I start eating.  As I'm eating I'm fantasizing about seeing my muscles and wearing jeans and a bikini.  Longing for comfort in my own skin.  Yet the moment I start to get a glimpse towards that, I go backwards.   What is up with that??  Afraid of my own success?

So I went ahead and took several weeks off from the gym.  The gains I made during my 8 week 4x/week run have disappeared.  Replaced with new stretch marks, horrible self-talk, depression, lethargy and an overwhelming desire to sleep all the time. I sporadically heard from fellow gym goers during my time off and as of recently have heard from several in a more urgent manner.  Like, get your ass to the gym already.  So I went this past week.  My inital goal was 5x/week, but as I'm learning, goals for me are constantly being revised. Read, I went Wednesday.  One morning.  I was even up on time this morning and yesterday morning.  That's how loud these ugly voices are inside my head.  I once again chose to sleep.  I went to my son's room and had that whole tiny bed to myself (he snuck into our bed during the night) and it was dark; I turned that box fan on and was out.  One and a half, can be stretched to 2 more hours if I cut out doi...

I began exercising at CrossFit I-35 in February of 2013.  I took a month off in May and came back as a member in June.  First teaching moment.  So I've been "regularly" crossfitting for 3+ years.  I look pretty much the same as when I began.  Sure, I had some pregnancy weight shed when I initially began, but my body hasn't "transformed."  And I put "regularly" in quotes because I've taken extended periods of time off.  I'm talking upwards of 8-12 weeks at a time.  I've recognized this all as a part of my "process" and have begun to love myself through those times off.  I can't pinpoint the reason, but I know it's going to happen so I'm just going to allow myself that time to do whatever my body/head needs to do.  Good news is the breaks aren't lasting as long.  Progress in my process.   Back to my "transformed" body.  Here's what CrossFit, and more specifically the trainers at my gym, CrossFit ...