I've been going to my CrossFit gym for five years now. Yes, I've dropped a few pound; yes, I'm stronger; but could you tell I crossfit by looking at me? Probably not. My transformation thus far has all been mental. I have and continue to find encouragement in what my body can do rather than what the scale says. I've learned functional ways to move my body to support my reconstructed knee. I've learned to shut my mind up and just move. Just recently I've been able to push myself when my legs are shaking and I can't hardly take a deep breath to finish the workout rather than stop and lay on the floor. "Keep moving!" I can hear Coach Rachel encouraging me. "One rep at a time! Vamos!" I can hear Zulma tell me. I've also recently begun to allow myself to move at a slower pace and complete the entire workout instead of scaling reps to keep up with everyone else. I am no longer concerned about what anyone else is thinking about me while moving. I'm forever indebted to Scott and Cynthia for allowing me and encouraging me to work through my own process.
"Can I be honest with you?" Scott asks. "Always," I say. "You identify as a fat person." Yikes. I had to let that one sink in for a minute. It stung. Because I knew it was the truth. I've watched multiple people over the years change their lives through crossfit; change the way their body looks and "be successful." Have I not been successful because I identify as a fat person and my body looks the same? How do I change ingrained subconscious thoughts about how I'll always be? I can think of two specific incidents in my middle/high school years that still resonate in my mind. For privacy purposes, I won't share them here, but I will say that I know those statements have shaped me to identify as a fat person. How do I change that?
Follow the plan. Trust the process. Trust my coaches. Open my mind to identify as a badass athlete. Just typing that makes me chuckle and think yeah right. Clearly I'm still working on getting there, it's a process my coach tells me. I have the tools. Time to stop thinking and just DO.
"Can I be honest with you?" Scott asks. "Always," I say. "You identify as a fat person." Yikes. I had to let that one sink in for a minute. It stung. Because I knew it was the truth. I've watched multiple people over the years change their lives through crossfit; change the way their body looks and "be successful." Have I not been successful because I identify as a fat person and my body looks the same? How do I change ingrained subconscious thoughts about how I'll always be? I can think of two specific incidents in my middle/high school years that still resonate in my mind. For privacy purposes, I won't share them here, but I will say that I know those statements have shaped me to identify as a fat person. How do I change that?
Follow the plan. Trust the process. Trust my coaches. Open my mind to identify as a badass athlete. Just typing that makes me chuckle and think yeah right. Clearly I'm still working on getting there, it's a process my coach tells me. I have the tools. Time to stop thinking and just DO.
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