I enjoy the sport of Olympic Weightlifting.

And by enjoy I mean participating in enjoy. I enjoy watching all kinds of sports. Hello, Kansas City Royals World Series Champions!!!! But not only do I enjoy watching Olympic Weightlifting, I also enjoy participating in Olympic Weightlifting. I have never been an athlete. With the exception of church youth group softball; I was the mediocre softball catcher. But Olympic Weightlifting is a sport. So I am an athlete. And I enjoy my sport. This is my Coach back in the early 80's. Awesome.

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How Do You Identify?

I've been going to my CrossFit gym for five years now. Yes, I've dropped a few pound; yes, I'm stronger; but could you tell I crossfit by looking at me? Probably not. My transformation thus far has all been mental. I have and continue to find encouragement in what my body can do rather than what the scale says. I've learned functional ways to move my body to support my reconstructed knee. I've learned to shut my mind up and just move. Just recently I've been able to push myself when my legs are shaking and I can't hardly take a deep breath to finish the workout rather than stop and lay on the floor. "Keep moving!" I can hear Coach Rachel encouraging me. "One rep at a time! Vamos!" I can hear Zulma tell me. I've also recently begun to allow myself to move at a slower pace and complete the entire workout instead of scaling reps to keep up with everyone else. I am no longer concerned about what anyone else is thinkin...

Cousin Meredith Finally Showed Up

So I went ahead and took several weeks off from the gym. The gains I made during my 8 week 4x/week run have disappeared. Replaced with new stretch marks, horrible self-talk, depression, lethargy and an overwhelming desire to sleep all the time. I sporadically heard from fellow gym goers during my time off and as of recently have heard from several in a more urgent manner. Like, get your ass to the gym already. So I went this past week. My inital goal was 5x/week, but as I'm learning, goals for me are constantly being revised. Read, I went Wednesday. One morning. I was even up on time this morning and yesterday morning. That's how loud these ugly voices are inside my head. I once again chose to sleep. I went to my son's room and had that whole tiny bed to myself (he snuck into our bed during the night) and it was dark; I turned that box fan on and was out. One and a half, can be stretched to 2 more hours if I cut out doi...

Here's an Interesting Thought

I recently got my 4 year tag from CrossFit I-35. I've been a member for 4 years and weigh 40 pounds less than when I started. Most, if not all, of that was baby weight as I began shortly after I had delivered my son. I've lost the same 10-15 pounds since the initial loss and I had an interesting thought about that tonight. What if I'm afraid of fit healthy crossfitter Meredith?? See, I take progress photos. I've seen the awesome gains I make and then I FREAK. And avoid the gym for days, weeks, months. It's like I see how hot I could be and I start eating. As I'm eating I'm fantasizing about seeing my muscles and wearing jeans and a bikini. Longing for comfort in my own skin. Yet the moment I start to get a glimpse towards that, I go backwards. What is up with that?? Afraid of my own success?

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